“I rather keep my raincoat and travel insurance in my suitcase” I responded after a local suggested bike riding.
Taking a glimpse on our adventures in London, a situation came to mind as I put together this puzzle of awareness as I reflect on our adventure.
I walked into the unknown in a country not totally understanding their currency, my worst fear came true as I underestimated my allotment of spending money.
“What you fear, you draw near” Darlene’s reflection.
I usually don’t buy souvenirs and thought my budget of food would be sufficient, but I ran out of money. Embarrassing. I took great lengths to get the debit card that would be welcomed internationally but I underestimated the money I would spend each day. And I found some cute little gifts for my grandchildren. London is more expensive then I thought.
I dropped into fear.
It was easy for me to withdraw into myself, embarrassed by my mishap, isolating and figuring a way out would be my direction of choice. I felt devastated. Fear. But I had to ask for money to pay for my meal from my friends. I felt like some kind of failure, some unworthiness of my character.
I was alone in a country that didn’t accept my hometown debit card and it took a few days to transfer money into my international Visa card. I had to come out of my comfort zone big time. Necessary for survival. I had to eat.
My friends came together and paid for my meal and lend me cash. Grateful and yet uncomfortable.
It would be easier to isolate because my worst fear came true and here was an opportunity to feel my emotions that came out of my comfort zone to ask for money. It’s a feeling of not feeling safe and secure being out of the country. Trust and fear.
It felt so good after I asked for what I needed but still was feeling very uncomfortable, I didn’t want to do it, but I faced my fear of rejection and did something that was necessary. Getting through the embarrassing feelings of feeling inadequate was awful but it was doable, I can do this…well maybe I didn’t have any other choice. I still wanted to crawl into a corner and isolate.
“Everything feels different today.” I reflected.
I got the feeling that God could only provide a space of urgency for me to be willing enough to be brave enough to face my fear and do something out of my comfort zone. He knows me well. First time out of the country, trusting new friends to help me, had to eat and no where else to go but here… was a good choice for getting my attention.
I am listening God.